A child with an allergy to peanuts hallucinates an indian statue as Tonto telling him a story with the Lone Ranger.
Johnny Depp has started taking terrible cornball roles, and this movie is a steaming pile of shit. His native-American character feels cringeworthingly blackface-esque. I can see how the occasional comedic bit can make a movie fun, but the entire spirit of this movie feels just a touch too serious for there to be the right comedy-adventure feeling like that in Pirates of the Caribbean - (2003 movie).
See Lone Ranger
- 0:45 -- San Francisco
- 1:45 -- Buffalo (American bison)
- 2:05 -- Grizzly bear
- 2:20 -- The noble savage (Indigenous peoples of the Americas)
- 2:50 -- That's more than six shots.
- 4:00 -- He's eating unshelled peanuts..
- 4:20 -- Oh.
- 4:55 -- Boy is Johnny Depp not convincing as a native. This is near enough to make me stop watching.
- 6:00 -- Tonto, Lone Ranger, Heist
6:30 -- Colby, Texas, 1869
- I didn't look hard, but this might be a fictional place.
- 6:40 -- History of rail transport in the United States
- 7:40 -- Comanche
8:00 -- Bush Cavendish
- Apparently fictional.
- 8:45 -- Telegraphy, Spur
- 10:40 -- Presbyterianism
- 10:50 -- Two Treatises of Government, by John Locke
- 11:00 -- Shall We Gather at the River? ("Hanson Place"), by Robert Lowry (hymn writer)
- 11:50 -- Pocket watch
- 16:00 -- Who in their right mind would bother with the prisoner car? Perhaps making an escape or hiding, yes, but not going up there.
- 17:50 -- District attorney
- These little bits of pseudo-comedy are annoying.
- 18:20 -- Why is there hesitation in shooting them? I guess they wanted them to crash in the train.
- 19:20 -- Horses couldn't catch up with that train. Since they can't catch up, it's a death trap for the rest of them. How did they even get off?
- 22:00 -- Boxing, Law school
- 24:15 -- They die. Roll credits.
- 27:00 -- I really do have to comment on Ruth Wilson's mouth. It's .. commentable.
- 30:55 -- Was stuff happening? I stopped paying attention.
- 32:00 -- Why in the fuck.. oh, whatever.
- 32:55 -- "The spirit horse"
- 34:45 -- He was able to wield a gun earlier.
- 37:15 -- With great power comes gr-- (gurgle)
- 41:20 -- Oh this is so childish.
- 42:40 -- Why would the Indian be burying them like that? Was that a thing they did?
- 48:20 -- Why is he acting like he hasn't been shot?
- 49:30 -- Rabbit of Caerbannog?
- 49:40 -- Wendigo
- 50:40 -- Why did silver make him what he is?
- 52:50 -- Good idea to hide his identity.
- 53:30 -- .. but wouldn't he be recognized by that hat? Or perhaps by the indian?
- 54:15 -- Uh, looking for a man?
- 57:00 -- Unrefrigerated?
- 1:01:00 -- Using a fine cloth as a sweat rag?
- 1:02:00 -- I immediately noticed the bugs stopped singing.
- Idiot black man is out in the open.
- 1:03:20 -- Called it.
- 1:10:00 -- Ke-mo sah-bee means "wrong brother"
- 1:15:20 -- How come his mask is different now?
- 1:17:00 -- What protects bridges like that from sabotage?
- 1:22:10 -- So that's the thing regarding silver making him what he is. It took this long to get the explanation.
1:28:50 -- How ever would a person learn where a river begins? If only there were some sort of trail. Some sort of trail made of water.
Okay this piece of shit has gone on long enough.. oh god, there's how much left to go? Oh hell, no way, no how..