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https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2333508/

A princess, being chased by orcs and to be a sacrifice, passes through a gate into our world but the orcs follow her.

If this movie could be considered a B-movie, it is extraordinary. It's well-written and well-acted, and unlike Orcs! - (2011 movie) there is no comedy and I have no feeling that there is need or room for any. I easily consider this a low-budget A-movie. It was good. Very good. Not surprisingly good, actually good.

I don't know how strongly I can or should recommend this. My heart melts for Aleya, so I'm pretty sure I'm biased.

• aka Orc Wars
• See also Orcs! - (2011 movie).

• Contains no dragons or dragon fire, or all that much fire.

• 2016-01-12

2016-01-12 ∞

• 1:00 -- Poor damsel. Oh, it's okay she has plot armour, right?
• 1:40 -- .. and she's shot where she stands. Roll credits.
• Princess Aleya of Hevanok (Masiela Lusha).. is somehow gorgeous even in this bad lighting.
• 3:10 -- Is that a cowb-- with an assault rif-- handguns? What's going on?
• 4:50 -- A new sentinel always comes. Well, what. Why is this character we don't know anything about somehow insta-killed? What's his relationship with Aleya? Why is she so upset? What's with that moon? The moving cage?
• 5:45 -- Posttraumatic stress disorder. The non-Twitter kind.
• 6:25 -- I'll take you-- I mean it. Katie McQueen (Clare Niederpruem) is gorgeous.
• 9:45 -- Every rustic property should come with a shotgun. That's the American way.
• 11:20 -- Oh that's gonna break under him.
• 12:05 -- That's a well-travelled path.
• 14:30 -- Fucking LARPers.
• 14:50 -- He's ho-- uh, handsome.
• 15:30 -- Wouldn't he question what he saw just then? I guess the PTSD has messed him up somewhat.
• 16:30 -- Another LARPer? Dammit!
• 16:50 -- He picked up a Phillips, but that looked like a flat head.
• 18:55 -- My stream buffers just as he falls over.
• 20:30 -- Boy is he limber after being shot.
• 21:00 -- Oh, he mends quickly.
• 21:35 -- Nine worlds. So.. sequels?
• 24:55 -- Disneyland

• 27:55 -- So now she can fight? So far she's been good at..

  1. running
  2. declaring her name
  3. ambushing, but only to threaten with her sword
  4. vanishing
• 28:05 -- Uh, wait.. so she's still good at ambushing but can slash a bit. Okay, not fighting.
• 28:45 -- He knows there's baddies out there, and that she's legit in trouble.. because he himself got shot. By the way, he seems well right now. Suspiciously well. Why isn't he suspicious?
• 31:00 -- He had no problem shooting the other guy.. and he still has his handgun.
• 31:30 -- Hey look, free wom-- oh right, there are still orcs around.
• 31:40 -- Did he just leave his handgun behind to go face the remaining orcs?
• 31:50 -- Oh. Shotgun.

• 32:40 -- Hey look, free woman.

  • Wow, she is small and he is strong.
• 36:00 -- The sticker says "When guns are outlawed, I will become an outlaw".
• 36:10 -- Missing an orc.. was it the one he shot in the head? Nope. Perhaps the one he strangled. Oh hell, they all look the same to me. It's not racist if it's Orcs, right?
• 44:20 -- Now she can fight.
• 44:40 -- Haha..
• 46:00 -- Can assault rifles be shot one-handed on an ATV?
• 46:20 -- Oh, he still feels some pain from that wound.
• 47:10 -- Were the orcs all separated or something, because normally he would have just outrun them.
• 47:50 -- Yeah, tie up your orc by your weapons, and leave him unattended.
• 48:20 -- Well that house may as well have been free with all those damned expensive weapons.
• 49:40 -- Why pick the rifle up from its mounted position?
• 50:55 -- Oh, big brown eyes. Oh my god, I need to take a moment to catch my breath.
• 51:15 -- I have never seen a better looking woman in such terrible lighting.
• 51:50 -- Saying Scooter was crying is just mean.
• 54:40 -- Aww, the writers threw away their opportunity for more bad guys in a sequel.
• 55:30 -- A quilt on a roof seems dangerous.
• 55:50 -- Oh that subtle friendzoning.
• 56:35 -- How does she know what a minute is?
• 57:00 -- Nobody tries on another man's hat.
• 57:50 -- Please tell me it's a tank.
• Wow, this is only half way done. It feels like it's been moving so quickly. There isn't much, if any, filler.
• 1:00:45 -- Wait, why is he calling it a cottage now?
• 1:00:45 -- Catapult
• 1:02:00 -- I was hoping the catapult would explode from them waiting too long to shoot.
• 1:03:00 -- No reloading required.
• 1:04:25 -- Good thing she can use a sniping rifle. Also, she's mad because she lost one of her precious things.
• 1:06:10 -- Well I suppose that'll have to do.
• 1:07:25 -- Yep, a launchy-flipper thing. Heh.
• 1:10:20 -- Gunning it is faster than walking speed.
• 1:10:40 -- Called it.
• 1:11:00 -- Aww, I was emotionally invested in her. Oh okay, sexually invested. I guess.
• 1:14:40 -- Keep shooting it.
• 1:14:50 -- Dumbasses.
• 1:15:10 -- I was going to comment on all that ammo in the back of the .. truck? tank? tank-truck?
• 1:16:30 -- I bet the sword is a dragon-slayer.
• 1:16:45 -- Not the chair! Nooooooooo...
• 1:21:00 -- So he can magically see now. Also, the orcs don't have bows any more.
• 1:21:40 -- Hey, where'd he get the weapons from, anyway?
• 1:25:00 -- They are all still bound in servitude. How can they run? They stay, overrun him. He's never used a sword before so he dies. Roll credits.
• 1:25:40 -- And the sister kills him as easily as the last guy, then sacrifices the elf and wins. Roll credits.
• 1:27:10 -- The orc shoots the elf, the man dies, the orc dies. Nobody wins. Roll credits.
• 1:28:00 -- Who is that last orc? I thought all the notable ones had died.

• 1:30:25 -- Dude, just a small turn and it's all lips.

Masiela Lusha, as Aleya

Masiela Lusha, as Aleya

50:55 - Aleya is not my girlfriend in this scene.

Last updated 2024-03-11 at 00:57:03