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- Beliefs > /tag/comedy+beliefs
Random stuff ∞
- A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels
- Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore."
- If a man says something in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
- It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
- Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into the water faucet.
How many federal employees does it take to change a light bulb?
- Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget.
"you are what you eat"
i don't remember eating a huge disappointment
-- Attributed to pakalu papito "Jul 28" (2015 or earlier), but I could not find that tweet.
If you stare long enough the word shark looks like a shark -- attribution unknown
- Possibly attributed to dutchster, 2014-02-12
We're all just 5 litres of blood sloshing around in a big meaty bag turning food into poop and trying to fuck a little. -- attributed to internetmessiah
- I could not find a source.
If you replace the "W" in Where, What, and When with a "T", you answer the question. -- attribution unknown
- Earliest found was from just-shower-thoughts 2015-01-29
- I could not find a source.
Researchers at Merck, Sharp & Dohme pharmaceutical house, seeking a powerful blood coagulant, are studying a "provocative and interesting" new substance: vampire-bat saliva. Preliminary research on rabbits showed the saliva to be several times more effective than the next best substance. -- News of the Weird, 25 July 1992
- At least as old as 24-Aug-1992 16:59
Changing light bulbs ∞
How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
- Billyuns and billyuns.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
- Seven: One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
How many Artificial Intelligence people does it take to change a light bulb?
- 65. See x.bboard item 1459.
How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
- Light bulb? You say this thing here used to be a light bulb?
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Electrical engineers don't change lightbulbs, they fix and re-use them.
How many Prime Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None! We're used to working in the dark!
Why did the egg cross the road????
- Because it was still in the chickens bum!!
- The definition of heaven is when your cook is Italian, your banker is Swiss and, your mechanic is German.
- The definition of hell is when your cook is Swiss your banker is German, and everything is organized by the Italian.
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. For this task, it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it! (It's rather like getting tenure.) -- Daniel Dennett, Consciousness Explained, p. 177 ISBN 0316180661
News of the Weird, 25 July 1992 ∞
- Japan Efficiency Headquarters, an "entertainment business company" in Chiba, Japan, rents "family members" out to senior citizens who would like to enjoy the benefits of a close-knit family from time to time. Typically, a husband, wife and child are requested, and have been trained by the company to engage in family-type activities as if everyone in the room were related. The typical cost for three hours is $1,100.
- At the recently opened Talamore golf course in Southern Pines, N.C., golfers have the choice of renting a golf cart to transport their clubs -- or a llama. A representative said the club gets about two requests a month for llama service -- at $400 per foursome.
- Ring magazine reported that boxer Daniel Caruso, moments before the bell to begin his New York City Golden Gloves fight in January, tried to psyche himself up by using the method employed by former champion Marvin Hagler -- pounding his gloves into his face. Caruso broke his own nose, forcing cancellation of the fight.
Researchers in Connecticut, writing in the February Hospital and Community Psychiatry, reported that patients in psychiatric wards who constantly watched MTV suffered psychological deterioration. Signs of deterioration were increased hallucinations, belligerence and hostility toward staff (especially female staff). When MTV was banned, patients' frequency of aggressiveness was reduced.
Notable comedians ∞
Last updated 2022-09-10 at 19:40:06