Comedy > Shells >

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From the csh (cshell) ∞

(C shell)

% make love

Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

% got a light?

No match.

% sleep with me

bad character

% man: Why did you get a divorce?

man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?

Bad substitute.

% rm God

rm: God nonexistent

(Beliefs)

% rm meese-ethics

rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

(This might be a reference to Edwin Meese and the Wedtech scandal.)

% man woman

No manual entry for woman.

(Men, Women)

% ar m God

ar: God does not exist

% man ' automatic insertion'

No manual entry for  automatic insertion.

% make 'heads or tails of all this'

Make:  Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this.  Stop.

(Coin flipping)

% make sense

Make:  Don't know how to make sense.  Stop.

% make bottle.open

Make:  Don't know how to make bottle.open.  Stop.

% rm -i God

rm: remove God? y

% ls God

God not found

% make God

Make:  Don't know how to make God.  Stop.

% date me

You are not superuser: date not set
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988

(date)

% who is smart

suvax1!hirayama tty12   Aug 25 15:04

% man rear

No manual entry for rear.

% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?

Too many )'s.

% * How would you describe George Bush

*: Ambiguous.

% %Vice-President

%Vice-President: No such job.

% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?

Unmatched ".

(Ronald Reagan)

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?

Too many ('s.

(United States Congress)

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

Missing ].

(Jimmy Hoffa)

% ^How did the^sex change operation go?

Modifier failed.

% cp /dev/null sex; chmod 000 sex
% more sex

sex: Permission denied

(chmod)

% mv sex show
% strip show

strip: show: Permission denied

% who is my match?

No match.

% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i

Democratic_Platform unreadable

(Democratic Party (United States))

% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"

awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line

(AWK)

% %blow

%blow: No such job.

% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'

thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.

% \(-

(-: Command not found.

From the bourne shell (sh) ∞

(Bash, Dash)

$ drink < bottle;opener

bottle: cannot open

opener: not found

$ "Amelia Earhart"

Amelia Earhart: not found

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

no sense in pretending!

$ man -kisses dog

dog: nothing appropriate

$ mkdir matter;cat > matter

matter: cannot create

$ lost

lost: not found

$ found

found: not found

$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i

Hoffa: cannot execute
rm: Hoffa nonexistent

% strip bra

bra:  Cannot open

% sccs what bottle

can't open bottle (26)

$ cat "door: paws too slippery"

can't open door: paws too slippery

$ cat food_in_tin_cans

cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans

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Stamos Karamouzis

William & Mary, Virginia