From the csh (cshell) ∞
% make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% got a light? No match.
% sleep with me bad character
% man: Why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine? Bad substitute.
% rm God rm: God nonexistent
% rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% man woman No manual entry for woman.
% ar m God ar: God does not exist
% man ' automatic insertion' No manual entry for automatic insertion.
% make 'heads or tails of all this' Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
% make sense Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
% make bottle.open Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
% rm -i God rm: remove God? y
% ls God God not found
% make God Make: Don't know how to make God. Stop.
% date me You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
% who is smart suvax1!hirayama tty12 Aug 25 15:04
% man rear No manual entry for rear.
% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have? Too many )'s.
% * How would you describe George Bush *: Ambiguous.
% %Vice-President %Vice-President: No such job.
% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence? Unmatched ".
% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s.
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ].
% ^How did the^sex change operation go? Modifier failed.
% cp /dev/null sex; chmod 000 sex % more sex sex: Permission denied
% mv sex show % strip show strip: show: Permission denied
% who is my match? No match.
% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i Democratic_Platform unreadable
% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking" awk: syntax error near line 1 awk: bailing out near line
% %blow %blow: No such job.
% 'thou shalt not commit adultery' thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.
% \(- (-: Command not found.
From the bourne shell (sh) ∞
$ drink < bottle;opener bottle: cannot open opener: not found
$ "Amelia Earhart" Amelia Earhart: not found
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending!
$ man -kisses dog dog: nothing appropriate
$ mkdir matter;cat > matter matter: cannot create
$ lost lost: not found
$ found found: not found
$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i Hoffa: cannot execute rm: Hoffa nonexistent
% strip bra bra: Cannot open
% sccs what bottle can't open bottle (26)
$ cat "door: paws too slippery" can't open door: paws too slippery
$ cat food_in_tin_cans cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans
William & Mary, Virginia