The "nice guy" is an actual thing.
Although they're everywhere, they're hard for women to see. This isn't about women not knowing how to recognize one, there's more to it.
Males and stability ∞
Males among males have an instinct for maintaining societal stability. Don't think cultural or national society, think tribal.
This stability is two things:
- The correctness of merit
Merit in leadership
It should seem obvious that the qualified should be in charge. Competence drives the tribe toward success and away from failure. Males instinctively understand that it is in their best interest to submit to the leadership of those they recognize as having more merit than them.
However, for merit to be acknowledged it must submit to challenge. This is not an unrelenting pressure as such, like waves crashing against the shore grinding it into sand. Instead, it can be thought of as the calm water underneath a boat. A boat which has a hole poked in it will eventually sink. A second boat which proves resistant to the same poking will demonstrate its merit.
Of course, life is much more complex. Merit can easily be overshadowed by superiority in prerequisites or various other things. See also The "free" market.
Assholes verses nice guys ∞
One of the effects of having merit near-universally recognized by men is that the men who are bold are able to demonstrate their merit-backed dominance first. Those who comes second have do not only succeed with a thing itself, but must challenge those who are already there.
Assholes have no problem stepping all over one another. They are born with the talent and desire for challenge, at least when it comes to "chasing tail". They also have less of a problem cheating at "the game". They really are assholes.
Humans come in many varieties. One of them is the nice guy. They lack some or all of the asshole qualities. It's probably best, though incomplete, to think of the nice guy as seeing themselves as having less merit. If this is so, they would naturally submit to the assholes and not challenge them. They don't approach women when assholes get there first.
(Something in me senses there's something else, somehow relating to the article The disadvantage of efficiency.)
Women's lack of accountability ∞
Women, by and large, seem to have in them some form of the nice guy and an efficiency of laziness. I see this is an allergy to accountability, but that's an article for another time. They prefer men to come to them.
They keep spare men around, even when in a relationship. Men will naturally fight over them, contesting merit. This is probably a women wanting to choose a mate based on their own notions of merit. And entertainment. Oh, was that bitterness? Sorry.
Women rarely go out of their way to chase. If nice guys submit to the perceived merit of assholes, then assholes have less-challenged access to women and are much more visible to women.
Women don't see the nice guys because assholes are too loud and women are unwilling to go find the nice ones.
Nice guys lacking self-esteem ∞
Merit instincts work against self-esteem in men. Introspection is a common trait in the nice guy. Self-judgement makes a nice guy fail before they even try.
Men with low self-esteem see themselves as less qualified, especially when considering a women they view as requiring high merit. The hotter a woman is, the less nice guys she will see. Perhaps some social structure in women has the hot ones as being dominant voices in their circles of friends, skewing all women's perceptions of the quantity of nice guys. I have no clue.
Assholes ruin women ∞
Assholes, getting there first, step all over women. They are not hummingbirds flitting about, they are cows mowing down fields. They break hearts.
Even when a nice guy perceives they have qualifying merit for a woman, that women is frequently cold. The nice guy gives up easily.
Yes means maybe ∞
- Yes means yes.
- Maybe means try harder.
No means maybe.
The nice guy:
- Yes means maybe.
- Maybe means no.
No means never try again.
When a nice guy does approach a woman, but that woman has been damaged by an asshole, it becomes even more difficult for the nice guy.
Just as women get burned, nice guys get burned and perhaps with much more ease, strength and duration. Nice guys can become shy, making them approach less, further-reducing visibility.