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(on Wikipedia)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2379713/
was 007.com/spectre/

James Bond, aka 007, runs and drives around, things happen, explosions and shootouts.

Meh, decent but not great unless you’re a fan of the Bond universe. Not much of a “spy movie”. Worth a one-time watch though, even though it’s predictable as all fucking hell.

(times are estimated)

• Damn Bond is ugly.
• 4:00 — “I won’t be long”.. hehe, he could have stayed and still said that.
• 6:45 — Lost his gun. Was it not usable while on a belt around his shoulder? Maybe not in the semi-sniping position.
• CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, and stuff. Or whatever. Outrage, and things! #bandwagon
• 8:30 — People having lots of fun when a massive explosion went off, demolishing two buildings.
• Wait a second, why did the building blow up again? Was there something I missed?
• 9:30 — Well at least they notice the helecopters. Not many people seem to be fleeing though. I guess with a crowd that big it’d be difficult.
• 10:30 — Isn’t Bond like some sort of super agent guy who can kill everyday people?
• 11:30 — Confirmed they are running.
• NOW it stalls.
• 12:30 — I missed what happened to the pilot. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking notes.
• Well, he got away. But.. building bombed, helecopter issue, etc etc.. and no police or military response?
• Also, what’s with him taking that ring in the first place?
• Dude went through all that but didn’t go back for the girl. What kind of two-bit Bond is he? I am disappoint.
• Title music.. title fucking music.. fucking title fucking music. Fuckity fuck fuck. Titlely title tite.
• 17:00 — International incident? There’s no evidence someone from another nation was involved..

• 19:30 — “My place, 9 o’clock”

  • “I won’t be long..” ? hehe
• 23:10 — It is a particularly British thing to put all their eggs in one basket like that. Even now they have well-known central offices. The intelligence angle has a very public face thanks to a number of successful novels over the years. Not novels by them, that would be silly. Awesome, but silly.
• 24:45 — I’m confused, wasn’t 007 grounded? Why is he being given the tour? It hasn’t been established that he has people in the agency who are willing to risk their careers to help him.
• 25:20 — OH, that’s why they were bringing him here. To give him a dog tag.
• Personally I’d kill Q right there and then, and trash the tracking equipment. But I’m sure the equipment isn’t proprietary to that room, so that would probably be a dumb idea. Best to learn more about it.
• Oh, good thing 007 didn’t kill Q.
• Why is Q young?
• 35:00 — “.. we’ll die together.” .. the French call an orgasm “the little death” so technically they’ll die together when they come together. Eheh heh.
• 38:30 — They know the dude’s ring is missing.
• So who is the bad guy down there? Am I, a newcomer to this reboot / whatever, supposed to know what’s going on?
• 44:15 — Bond throws himself at the window. Window doesn’t break. Roll credits.
• 44:30 — Bond gets in his car. Car bomb explodes. Roll credits.
• 44:45 — Bond drives away. Runs over road spikes. Roll credits.
• 53:30 — Doesn’t Q have the ability to fiddle with code and change Bond’s displayed location? Is that the only display for his tracking? Is it even his job to track Bond? Couldn’t there be some sort of regional perimeter alarm?
• 54:30 — Old house that doesn’t creak.
• 57:00 — Women, children.. but fuck men, right?
• What’s the stuff he took that made him a walking dead man? I didn’t catch that. Too much of this movie has little bits that fly by too quickly.

• 1:00:00 — Wouldn’t it be best to not disturb the scene so much, so there aren’t fingerprints or other evidence of another person?

  • Also, there’s a camera.
• 1:02:30 — They watch everyone. Wouldn’t that be explicitly breaking the law? As in a major national security law.
• 1:14:00 — There’s no way in fucking hell the propellers would have survived any of that, even up to that point they would have been sheered off.
• 1:15:00 — I would have walked around putting a couple of bullets in each of them.

• 1:31:00 — Wow.

  • Also, where did she get that dress?
• 1:33:20 — Oh the old one-shot-the-woman bullshit.
• 1:35:00 — If I were bond, I would have been feigning getting beaten up to give her time to come to her senses and use a gun.
• How many bullets were in that gun? Sigh.
• 1:35:50 — I literally said “sweet sweet love” just before they broke out into the bullshit “brave man saved me, I must shag him”.
• No staff were present for any of this.
• 1:37:20 — Did he have a spare clip?
• 1:42:40 — But it was stopped. Right there.
• 1:49:00 — James is killed. Roll credits.
• 1:54:50 — I love you, man I met recently who saved my live therefore who I must love.
• 1:56:00 — Why would he be released by the explosion?
• Why would there not be guards?
• Why are they holding hands?
• 1:56:45 — I would have taken the buggie up.
• Also, the bad guy might not be dead, because reasons. Actually I also doubt the previous tough bad guy is dead.
• 1:59:30 — He’ll be back for her? He’s not exactly known for that.
• 2:00:00 — The movie ran out of budget for her.
• 2:01:45 — And James is immediately shot. Roll credits.
• Oh, I thought they took M.
• With an eye like that, he’d have a patch.
• 2:10:10 — She’s not captured, the building won’t explode. Joke’s on you, James.
• 2:13:00 — Net breaks. Roll credits.
• 2:16:30 — Nobody knows about MI-6 or the 00 section. Also, some random guy walking up and tell him him bullshit without some sort of very fucking good ID won’t get past a guard.
• 2:18:30 — “I’ve got someone better to do” amirite?

• The car, called it.

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• JAMES BOND WILL RETURN .. well of course he will. Because money.

Footnotes

1. presses button to dispense condoms[ ↩ ]