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Background ∞
A guy feels embarrassed about asking for help. This is because to a guy this is a sign of inability.. of weakness and a show of submission in admitting one’s failings.
This is the root of the classic stereotype that guys don’t ask for directions.
Introduction ∞
Guys have a concept called “expertise”. This is the willing submission of oneself and the promotion of another to higher status. Guys take this very seriously.
One aspect of a guy is that people are a collection of skills and abilities as well as certain “statuses”. People are objectified in such ways. Such things are to be recognized and a pecking order needs to be sorted out based on such perceptions.
Often, this is one of the roots of contention that guys have with one another, especially over a woman (Who is more qualified? Let’s fight it out to see..). Contention is a sign that both parties don’t accept that the other doesn’t recognize their self-perceived skill or seniority.
Expertise ∞
So when a guy approaches another guy for help, it is recognized as an act of submission. Sometimes it demotes the questioner, but it invariably elevates the questionee by reinforcing the recognition of their ability.
Guys form entire circles of friends based on such perception of expertise, and their pecking order will shift depending on what problems the group is facing.
Examples ∞
Examples vary just as people and situations vary.
more to be added as they come to me.
Job ∞
My friend does something like this for a living. Admitting his expertise on a related subject does not demote me if I approach him. He does it for a living and I do not. It is to be recognized that he has expertise.. puts in the time.
Surprise-expertise ∞
Often, expertise will get awarded with extraordinary and surprising feats of eloquence.
It is very possible that a guy will hide his ability in fear of highlighting the inexpertise of a friend. If a guy suddenly displays expertise, it must be immediately judged and either recognized or ridiculed.
This will happen if a “quiet” friend suddenly and passionately speaks out. It is thought that if a quiet guy speaks eloquently on something that he must have been brooding over the subject for some time. Silence is thought to be an act of respect for those who speak, so if a person who is normally silent speaks up, they must feel self-justified to do so.. they must have something really good to say.
This is an interesting quality I myself hold. I shut up unless I have something to say. Every so often when I speak out, it’s with something profoundly sound and appropriate.
Offering help ∞
Offering help is an admission of one’s expertise, and is generally something which is touted politely and cen even be declined politely. To a guy, offering or accepting aid is one of the major acts that a proper friend can make.
“I offer my aid, will you do me the honor of admitting my expertise, friend?”
Crying to one’s friends ∞
Where women can go cry with their friends, guys cannot. A guy cannot submit himself to his pack in such a way without elevating them and demoting himself.
However, guys can choose to ‘demote’ themselves (thus proving devotion as a friend and elevating themselves) to a friend in pain by approaching and empathizing.
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