A man.. uh.. something about some mercenary missions and people dying and a magic thing and such.
I only saw this out of reverence to The Scorpion King - (2002 movie). Oh gods, the badness-potential of this genre is astonishing. Ignore this, and go watch Hercules - The Legendary Journeys - (1995-1999 show) instead. It is the gold standard of badness.
I think what really offends me about The Scorpion King (2,3,4) is that they cost money to watch, where a TV show would have been (more or less) free.
- Properly titled The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power
- Previously known as The Scorpion King: The Lost Throne
- Continues from The Scorpion King 3 - Battle for Redemption - (2012 movie)
This is the prequil closest to the movie The Scorpion King - (2002 movie), which is a preq-- oh fuck, trying to explain all of that is ridiculous.
- 3:30 -- Oh come on, this is just stupid.
- 4:10 -- Casual erection joke.
- 5:00 -- Sigh, a direct ripoff of the Golden Idol being replaced by a bag of sand in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981).
- 8:00 -- Casual misandry.
- 8:45 -- Another dick-shot.
- 9:00 -- Epic rock music.
11:00 -- That actor seems familiar.
- Oh my gods, that's Rutger Hauer.. how the mighty have fallen.
- 14:00 -- Horse, Giraffe
17:45 -- Oh good, a pretty girl gets introduced early on.
- 18:15 -- .. and indeed she is.
- 21:15 -- Haha, that's awesome!
- 27:30 -- Casual misandry.
- 29:00 -- Where did her spots go?
- 30:00 -- Why would he need to drag her along while he was running to bash the wall down?
- 33:30 -- "Can you ride without groping me?" .. well that depends on what you mean by "ride".
36:30 -- Her father is meant to be modelled after Leonardo da Vinci, as I saw the ariel screw.
- 39:30 -- Sigh.
- 43:00 -- Why give that to him?
- 47:45 -- Monotheism
- 48:30 -- That cross-dressing was so damned predictable. I knew it as soon as I saw bunches of women around, before the temple was even introduced.
- 48:30 -- The music is a variation on Bad to the Bone, by George Thorogood.
- 49:30 -- "Feminina" .. hahaha, wut?
- 51:30 -- Oh my, Esmé Bianco is gorgeous.
- 60:00 -- Can.. can we trade up?
- 1:00:45 -- Oh her, on the right.
- 1:07:30 -- Scorpions are not insects.
- 1:10:00 -- Uh. I'm uncomfortable with these actors.
- 1:13:00 -- Horse whisperer (Natural horsemanship)
- 1:20:00 -- So a side-story is that magic isn't real and he was a "scientist" all along. Very The Wizard of Oz - (1939 movie)
- 1:23:00 -- "Give me some sugar.." makes no sense in this context. He didn't even try to kiss her.
- 1:26:00 -- Casual misandry.
- 1:27:00 -- No he couldn't have shared all that with him. There was never an opportunity for sharing.
- 1:28:00 -- A ripoff from The Hulk, in one of those superhero movies, around The Avengers - (2012 movie)
1:33:30 -- That crown looks simultaneously awesome and terrible.
- Why would he take it off?
- 1:34:00 -- Oh, die faster!
1:35:45 -- And the crown is given to the dying old man, who is saved and stuff.
- Called it. Late, I guess.
- 1:37:00 -- So magic is real and it was a smokescreen to make people turn back thinking the crown is also fake?
1:39:00 -- So did technically her dad just crown her queen and .. marry her?