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Yet another bland superhero movie.
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(on Wikipedia)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975590/
http://www.batmanvsupermandawnofjustice.com/
A privileged white nerd-boy never got his patriarchy membership card, so he sets up the most powerful being on earth by using astonishingly advanced alien technology because astonishingly advanced alien technology isn't good enough and he has to take down competitive patriarchy because something about good and god and evil and stuff.
This movie makes no fucking sense on so many levels, I may as well give it that fuckmenazi description. Characters don't make sense. Motivations don't make sense. Lots of action that didn't need to happen, or happened in the wrong way.
A character that gets whipped up out of nowhere, who only the comic book nerds will vaguely recognize.. and not even understand. Does anyone think all the little comic book nerd boys always wanted to be a woman-superhero? Uh, no. So not popular. So having no explanation, she was dropped in as a deus ex machina. A hot awesome one, but terribly-written and disruptive.
Furthermore, the appearance of The Flash (who I had to look up), made no fucking sense whatsoever. It wasn't even a deus ex machina, it was entirely unnecessary and confusing fluff.
- Properly titled Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
- Yes, it's properly titled Batman v Superman, because American theatre-goers know neither "versus" nor "vs.".
Followed by Justice League - (2017)
- Narration.
2:00 -- Well I guess they have to re-tell the origin story. At least it's the opening credits.
- I wonder if they'll have to do the same thing for Superman.
- 4:00 -- WHAT THE FUCK?! .. This is NOT the Batman origin story! This fucking better fucking be a fucking dream.
- 5:00 -- A dream? Oh good. Still terrible.
- 8:00 -- Or how about you leave the fucking building you retard?!
- 8:00 -- Oh no, that character I developed a deep emotional bond with.
- 9:00 -- He saved a child. He must be a good guy. A girl, too, therefore extra-good.
- 10:15 -- Oh gods my inner-archaeologist just had a fit.
- 12:00 -- Film.
- 14:30 -- So it's now established Superman is faster than a trigger-finger at short-range.
- 15:00 -- Superman isn't some toy that can be "asked what he should do".
16:30 -- Uh, not only are Lois and Kent .. dating? But she knows who he is?
- Also, Superman wouldn't have been known to be there or do anything. Lois could have just said there was an internal struggle and she got away.
- 19:00 -- Backup? Call for backup, methinks.
25:00 -- "Emerald City" is a reference to Emerald City of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900), by L. Frank Baum
- 25:30 -- ".. the kindness of monsters", with his accent is a reference to a movie I cannot recall, which has a woman saying "... the kindness of strangers".
- 27:30 -- Terrorist threats.. up to fourty years.
- So. Is this a new black-Jameson? The old one was too whitey white white? Wait, that's Marvel.
28:00 -- Were I him, I wouldn't have shown Homeland Defence the complete amount of kryptonite I had. I'd keep some for myself, for future reverse-engineering or my own weaponization.
- edit: Oh, she was a senator.
- 31:30 -- I don't understand that "Robert, Martin and John" reference.
- 32:30 -- Kentucky Mash (Sour mash, Tennessee whiskey)
- 33:00 -- "The red capes are coming" is a quote from somewhere or other.
- "One if by land, two if by air" is a quote from somewhere or other.
- 37:00 -- Why the fuck did any of that Superman stuff even get into the public eye? Oh noes, bad guys in badland do bad things.
- 39:00 -- Bibliophilia
- 39:30 -- Philanthropy, Prometheus, Zeus
- 45:00 -- Oh those gullible peasants.
- 46:30 -- Neil deGrasse Tyson, Nicolaus Copernicus, Charles Darwin, Evolution
- 49:30 -- "The sword of Alexander", Gordian Knot
- 51:30 -- The motion she made, grabbing his lapel, makes me think she bugged him. Leaving the thing in his car means she could get into his car. Having had the thing leads me to believe that it could be somehow something'd so she could get a copy of what he decrypts.
- 59:00 -- The "clicks his heals three times" thing is another reference to the wizard of oz.
- 1:05:00 -- How the fuck does all that infrastructure get built in secret? Does he use migrant workers that he kills after?
- 1:06:00 -- I guess this is supposed to be an important part to this movie, but it's just so badly done.
- 1:12:30 -- It was all filmed and being broadcast live.
- 1:16:00 -- Maybe she should have told him that she was being tailed and associated with Superman by Lex Luthor? Just a thought.
- 1:22:00 -- If superman can grow facial hair, how does he cut it?
- 1:23:00 -- I thought his dad died, or something.
- 1:29:30 -- It's a trap. Tell him it's a trap.
- 1:30:00 -- Horus, Apollo, Jehovah, Kal'el (the dead not-Superman)
- 1:30:30 -- If god is all powerful, he cannot be all good. And if he is all good, then he cannot be all powerful.
- 1:32:30 -- Death by burning
- 1:33:30 -- Why would killing Batman be a bad thing? I don't see how that could tarnish Batman's reputation.
- 1:34:00 -- Why is that clock so short on time?
1:42:00 -- Superman recovers, Batman can't punch him, Superman lasers him. Roll credits.
- Superman recovers, gets distance. Waits until he recovers, lasers him. Roll credits.
- Superman explains they have his mother, talks about Lex Luthor manipulating him. Fake Batman's death, team up. Roll credits.
- ANYTHING.
- 1:45:00 -- What the fuck is with Batman's super strength?
- 1:45:30 -- How the fuck would Batman know they would fight there?
- 1:47:30 -- It's his mother's name? Oh, good [ 1 ]stab. Roll credits.
- 1:50:00 -- Hey I bet Batman isn't faster than a trigger-finger at short-range.
- 1:51:30 -- What fucked up unnecessary new toy was being pulled out of nowhere there? Just use a fucking grenade.
- 1:58:30 -- Boeing AH-64 Apache
- 2:07:00 -- So who is this new chick, why does she have superpowers, why does she have uber-bracers, a super shield and a super sword?
- 2:10:00 -- All this time, Lex has been making more of those.
- 2:11:00 -- Oh, a super-lasso that came out of nowhere.
- 2:12:30 -- His S has been pierced, so now he's Czuper man.
- 2:14:30 -- By the way, they don't shave peoples' head in prison. There isn't a big head lice issue any more.
2:16:00 -- Hi. Since his body won't decompose, but parts can be cut off with kryptonite, we brought you his penis.
- Now it can't be engorged with blood, so we also brought a bicycle pump.
- .. and since you've never had sex, because of super-semen shooting at super-speeds and no kryptonite condom, I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun with it.
- 2:17:00 -- Bagpipes? Are they punishing people for his death?
2:22:00 -- He's coming! THE SEQUEL IS COMING!!
ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
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