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(on Wikipedia)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3086386/
was the-scorpion-king.com

A man.. uh.. something about some mercenary missions and people dying and a magic thing and such.

I only saw this out of reverence to The Scorpion King – (2002 movie). Oh gods, the badness-potential of this genre is astonishing. Ignore this, and go watch Hercules – The Legendary Journeys – (1995-1999 show) instead. It is the gold standard of badness.

I think what really offends me about The Scorpion King (2,3,4) is that they cost money to watch, where a TV show would have been (more or less) free.

• Properly titled The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power
• Previously known as The Scorpion King: The Lost Throne
• Continues from The Scorpion King 3 – Battle for Redemption – (2012 movie)

• This is the prequel closest to the movie The Scorpion King – (2002 movie), which is a preq– oh fuck, trying to explain all of that is ridiculous.

• 2016-03-15

2016-03-15 ∞

• 3:30 — Oh come on, this is just stupid.
• 4:10 — Casual misandry; casual erection joke.
• 5:00 — Sigh, a direct ripoff of the Golden Idol being replaced by a bag of sand in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981).
• 8:00 — Casual misandry.
• 8:45 — Another dick-shot.
• 9:00 — Epic rock music.

• 11:00 — That actor seems familiar.

  • Oh my gods, that’s Rutger Hauer.. how the mighty have fallen.
• 14:00 — Horse, Giraffe

• 17:45 — Oh good, a pretty girl gets introduced early on.

  • 18:15 — .. and indeed she is.
• 21:15 — Haha, that’s awesome!
• 27:30 — Casual misandry.
• 29:00 — Where did her spots go?
• 30:00 — Why would he need to drag her along while he was running to bash the wall down?
• 33:30 — “Can you ride without groping me?” .. well that depends on what you mean by “ride”.

• 36:30 — Her father is meant to be modelled after Leonardo da Vinci, as I saw the ariel screw.

  • Carriage (Car)
  • 37:00 — Water wheel, Wind turbine, Sawmill (sortof), Magnetic levitation
  • The automatic hammer thing has a parallel in industry, but I don’t know the name of it.
• 39:30 — Sigh.
• 43:00 — Why give that to him?
• 47:45 — Monotheism
• 48:30 — That cross-dressing was so damned predictable. I knew it as soon as I saw bunches of women around, before the temple was even introduced.
• 48:30 — The music is a variation on Bad to the Bone, by George Thorogood.
• 49:30 — “Feminina” .. hahaha, wut?
• 51:30 — Oh my, Esmé Bianco is gorgeous.
• 60:00 — Can.. can we trade up?
• 1:00:45 — Oh her, on the right.
• 1:07:30 — Scorpions are not insects.
• 1:10:00 — Uh. I’m uncomfortable with these actors.
• 1:13:00 — Horse whisperer (Natural horsemanship)
• 1:20:00 — So a side-story is that magic isn’t real and he was a “scientist” all along. Very The Wizard of Oz – (1939 movie)
• 1:23:00 — “Give me some sugar..” makes no sense in this context. He didn’t even try to kiss her.
• 1:26:00 — Casual misandry.
• 1:27:00 — No he couldn’t have shared all that with him. There was never an opportunity for sharing.
• 1:28:00 — A ripoff from The Hulk, in one of those superhero movies, around The Avengers – (2012 movie)

• 1:33:30 — That crown looks simultaneously awesome and terrible.

  • Why would he take it off?
• 1:34:00 — Oh, die faster!

• 1:35:45 — And the crown is given to the dying old man, who is saved and stuff.

  • Called it. Late, I guess.
• 1:37:00 — So magic is real and it was a smokescreen to make people turn back thinking the crown is also fake?

• 1:39:00 — So did technically her dad just crown her queen and .. marry her?