spiralofhope

Oh god, her eyebrows

Entertainment > Movies >

(on Wikipedia)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2239822/
was stxfilms.com/valerian/

Something about a powerful thing that was taken, and a conspiracy. I guess.

Terrible. Simply terrible. A bad setup to the universe, a whole lot of shit pulled out of thin air.. generally bad writing and a bad mood. Bad pacing. Everything about it is terrible. Do not watch.

• Abandoned: The company seems to have disowned this movie.

• Everything Wrong With Valerian & The City Of A Thousand Planets

  • by CinemaSins

—

the timing is really rough on these notes

• 1:00 — Space Oddity – (1969 song), by David Bowie
• 2:30 — Wow, a little racism there.
• 3:30 — Those golden wobbly aliens remind me of the ones in The Fifth Element – (1997 movie)
• 5:00 — 400 years later.
• 5:30 — For more aliens like that, see Avatar – (2009 movie).
• 6:00 — Major fucking uncanny valley.
• 7:45 — Will they play the role of the innocent aliens who dindu nothin.
• 9:15 — This movie is fat shaming or some shit.
• 9:45 — That much material entering would do a hell of a lot of damage.. for one it would heat the atmosphere enough to light everything on fire. I suppose magic science would slow things down without air friction, or whatever.
• 12:30 — Wow.
• 12:45 — She’d be hot if it weren’t for those eyebrows. Those damned distracting eyebrows. At least dye them to match her drapes.
• 16:00 — Okay, so this is a complete load of bullshit with no explanation.
• 19:30 — Yeah, I actually guessed the proposal.
• 28:30 — Bang.
• 32:00 — God this is crap.
• 41:45 — 700,000,000 miles isn’t very far. Also, you’d think in 400 years they’d be metric. Fucking Americans-in-space.
• 44:30 — I know that actor from somewhere or other. Didn’t he play one of the James Bonds or something?
• 51:00 — Fucking invented NPCs.
• 53:30 — Bullshit magic. Such bad writing. Such a trash movie.
• 54:00 — Maybe free everyone?
• 55:30 — Just how many breaches has he caused?
• 56:30 — See also G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra – (2009 movie) for more running through buildings.
• 58:00 — Isn’t the commander on board? Why try to destroy it?

• 59:00 — Pulling another vehicle out of thin air.

Okay fuck this movie.. it’s really shitty.