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(on Wikipedia)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0277296/
https://web.archive.org/web/20180726004317/http://www.the-scorpion-king.com:80/

A bounty hunter from an extinct tribe is hired to undermine the power of an evil king, but the woman he is meant to kill is hot, and complicates things.

As long as it is taken for what it is, it will be entertaining. It is an action movie through and through, and must not be taken as having much of a link to a historical past. It’s not serious, and not meant to be. It’s packed with action, has a reasonable story and its lead character is spectacular.

1. The Mummy – (1999 movie)
2. The Mummy Returns – (2001 movie)
3. The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor – (2008 movie)
4. (blank your mind)

5. The Scorpion King – (2002 movie)

   • The Scorpion King might appear to be a character-prequel of The Mummy Returns, but it is awful and should be completely separated in your mind. These two movies are not in a series together.

–

• 2016-03-14

The Scorpion King is not a prequil to The Mummy Returns ∞

A lot of people would take this as a direct prequel or spiritual prequel to The Mummy Returns – (2001 movie), but that perspective must not be kept in mind!

At its face, this movie does not have anything similar except for a prequel “birth of a supervillain”. Therein is the problem.

The Mummy Returns has a dislikeable (and uncannily-rendered) villain, while The Scorpion King has a likeable lead character.

To link the two movies would require a likeable character, whose victory takes an entire movie to come to fruition, to become evil for a terrible character in a terrible movie.

It takes a twisted mind to take a nice character from a later and good movie to somehow tie it to a bad character from an earlier and terrible movie. Don’t have this perspective in mind. Don’t try. Sever all ties between these two movies, and enjoy this movie as a separate universe.

2016-03-14 ∞

• 2:15 — Immediately starts into the cheesy lines.
• 2:30 — Rock music. Okay, I know where this movie is going.
• 3:30 — Casual misandry.
• 3:45 — So they have different fathers.
• 4:00 — Before the time of the pyramids. (Egyptian pyramids)
• 5:30 — Uh, a British guy? Wait, this is a collection of peoples who were nowhere near Egypt.
• 5:30 — I recognize Michael Clarke Duncan.

• 8:30 — Their horses had saddles and stirrups.

  • Okay, I must abandon any sense of history.
• 9:15 — Set (deity)

• 12:30 — Holy shit she’s hot.

  • But her face.
• 13:00 — I guess he’s subject to her mind control powers.

• 13:30 — I recognize that actor.

  • 14:00 — Yes, that actor on the left. It’s Ralf Möller.
• 17:30 — Terrible graphics.
• 19:00 — I’m pretty sure “never touch the bow” is a variation of “never touch the gun”, but I can’t quite place the phrase.
• 20:00 — Queen Isis?

• 21:00 — “… then you shall take your place beside me, on a throne and in my bed.”

  • Uh, I wouldn’t want her beside me in my bed.

• 22:00 — Sodom and Gomorrah

  • Sodom might be Bab edh-Dhra or Numeira
  • Gomorrah has no known location.
  • These places are probably fictional.
• 22:30 — Crabs did/do exist in Egypt and the surrounding areas.
• 23:30 — Kebab, Sword, Bird-of-paradise, Prostitute (Prostitution)
• 26:45 — I think I recognize that actor.
• 27:00 — Gunpowder.
• 30:15 — Catapult, Harem
• 31:00 — There’s Ralf Möller.
• 31:00 — Science
• 33:15 — Yum.
• 33:45 — Well good thing there are drains big enough to fit a person. Strange though, since it would have her bathwater draining down into well water.. soap and scents and all.
• 34:00 — I love that moment.
• 34:30 — Casual penis joke.
• 37:30 — She looks so much better at a distance, without all the shit makeup.

• 40:30 — “A thousand duanas(?) for the one who brings me his head.”

  • Whatever that word was, currency didn’t even exist back then.
• 42:15 — Dry quicksand, or perhaps Fech fech.
• 47:00 — Conan the Barbarian‘s resurrection scene is better. Than anything.
• 47:30 — .. though she did give him a blowjob.. sortof.
• 51:00 — Peter salt (Potassium nitrate)
• 51:30 — Sandstone, Water filter

• 53:00 — “The first man to touch her will have to come through me.”

  • The second man to touch her will have to cum in her.
• 53:30 — Yes, swords were/are never used for parrying.
• 54:00 — Black dude had his foot on beige dude’s back.
• 56:00 — Let’s stand alone before the fury of his armies.. together!
• 59:30 — All along, she never actually had visions.. she was just using it to get laid. She would sneak out of the palace with “if we sleep together, my visions will be gone and Big Bad won’t win his battles!” heh
• 1:06:30 — How about asking how the kid survive from being captured and about to have his hands cut off for thievery.
• 1:12:30 — “You wish to test magic against steel?”
• 1:15:00 — The door was slightly-broken and then becomes unbroken.
• 1:15:30 — Casual misandry.

• 1:24:00 — What’s that, teasing a man to get at his stuff? No way.

Somewhere in there was Al Leong, who I recognize from a tiny piece in Big Trouble in Little China – (1986 movie). I was looking out for him, but never saw him. I think he was either in the original training scene where Big Bad revealed his expert swordsman skills, or in the early scene when the kid was captured for presumably stealing the blood ruby. Well, wherever he was, he’s to blame for this movie’s great stuntwork.