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(on Wikipedia)
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209163/
was www.themummy.com

Visions of a past life lead a woman to an ancient treasure, but it is also sought by others to both raise the dead and an army.

While it would be unfair to say this movie stinks, it’s not great.

The computer graphics used in it are uncanny and intrusive. It has action for action’s sake, and while a light bubblegum movie is what it is, this movie lays it on intentionally thick, making it aggravating. Fans of its predecessor, The Mummy – (1999 movie), will find the feelings instilled by it are not reproduced in this sequel. It’s also jarringly-unoriginal by stealing components from the first.

This it is an obvious money-grab.

1. The Mummy – (1999 movie)
2. The Mummy Returns – (2001 movie)
3. The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor – (2008 movie)
4. (blank your mind)

5. The Scorpion King – (2002 movie)

   • The Scorpion King might appear to be a character-prequel of The Mummy Returns, but it is awful and should be completely separated in your mind. These two movies are not in a series together.

—

• Everything Wrong With The Mummy Returns In 18 Minutes Or Less

  • by CinemaSins

–

• 2022-07-07
• 2016-03-14
• 2005-05-19

• Watched beforehand, likely more than once.

2022-07-07 ∞

• 18:30 — How much electricity would be needed to power that light, and how difficult would that be to do in 1933?

I didn’t get closed captions which included translations, how odd. I watched it without bothering to figure it out because it was interesting.

This is a rehash of the first movie.

2016-03-14 ∞

• Thebes, Egypt, Ancient Egypt, 3067 B.C.
• 1:00 — Back when kings actually walked on the battlefield.

• 1:00 — Anubis’ army are wielding Shotel

  • TODO? – ID the shield?
• 3:00 — Anubis

• 3:45 — The oasis of Ahm-Shere.

  • This place is fictional.
• 4:00 — I was unable to ID that polearm they use.
• 4:45 — Egypt, 1933
• 6:45 — Why does he have that tattoo?
• 7:00 — Desecration
• 8:00 — Yes, back then they really did have such careless disregard for historical sites.
• 9:15 — “Build a better mousetrap” (Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door)
• 12:30 — Is he French?

• 12:45 — The Scorpion King

  • I wonder if this is named after Scorpion I or Scorpion II
• 14:45 — Why wouldn’t she read the box before opening it?
• 14:45 — Are they anywhere near the Nile?
• 15:30 — Why not take the bracelet and leave the box? It seems heavy. Maybe they’re just being thorough in case there’s other stuff of significance on/in it.
• 17:15 — Hamunaptra
• 17:45 — I thought she was dead and gone in the previous movie, how is she alive here?
• 18:00 — I think I recognize that actor.
• 20:30 — Imhotep
• 21:30 — London, England
• 21:30 — Epic Superman-esque music. For no particular reason.

• 23:15 — Julius Caesar, Napoleon

  • Napoleon was not short. In fact he was tall for his age. That is old American propaganda.
• 24:45 — Doom sound

• 27:45 — Asp (Egyptian cobra)

  • Also.. hey baby, nice asp.
• 29:30 – See also Big Trouble in Little China – (1986 movie) for its far-superior knife-catch.
• 30:15 — That’s not cover.
• 32:00 — Wow this movie has a completely different tone from the first one.
• 34:15 — Epic driving in the rain-music.
• 35:00 — Thompson submachine gun
• 35:15 — Uh, if he had the wrong guy then how does he know the phrases. The, by the way, lame phrases.
• 38:45 — Oh, she’s a reincarnation. Sortof.
• 43:00 — Double-decker bus

• 43:30 — “Aspro stops pain”

  • Aspro is a brand name for aspirin.
• 45:00 — Why are things being sped up?
• 47:30 — Adventure gets her wet.
• 48:30 — Go down there and steal that car they just swerved to avoid.
• 49:30 — Now that I understand who that character is, I’m confused about how he’s not dead.
• 51:15 — Even if I were eight years old, I’d repeatedly fuck that scene up to get more kisses.
• 52:00 — Nine years ago? That doesn’t explain their eight-year-old child.
• 54:45 — Now I recognize the tall actor.. but from where, I don’t know.
• 58:00 — Tripoli, Libya
• 1:00:00 — Dirigible (Airship)
• 1:04:00 — He can’t go when someone’s watching .. I can’t remember the name of the semi-disorder, but that’s a real thing.
• 1:05:30 — Karnak has a train stop?
• 1:07:30 — Those look like Sai (weapon). Maybe there’s some Egyptian version of it.
• 1:08:30 — Casual misandry.
• 1:09:00 — Nefertiti
• 1:12:00 — Entirely reusing a significant part of the earlier movie is just terrible.
• 1:13:00 — Pre-ordination does include “the destination”.
• 1:13:15 — Yeah, there’s a fine line between coincidence and fate. It’s all coincidence, and fate is the wooly bullshit weak people are subject to thinking.

• 1:15:30 — Philae temple on Agilkia Island with its temple of Isis.

  • The bad guys would also have needed a ship or an airship to get there.
• 1:15:45 — Abu Simbel temples
• 1:17:45 — “Bread crumbs” is generally used as a reference to Hansel and Gretel (1812), by Brothers Grimm
• 1:18:45 — Re-use of the previous movie’s idea.

• 1:20:00 — Ahm Shere

  • I think this place is fictional.

• 1:23:30 —

  • Roman legionnaires (Roman legion
  • Turn of the century french, Napoleon‘s troops
• 1:24:30 — Three-times Boxmanads(?) grand champion

• 1:25:15 — I’d fuck that scene up a bunch of times.

  • Also, her eyebrows are fixed from last movie. Yay!
• 1:30:45 — Quicksand
• 1:32:00 — I don’t know if it’s these guys who are directly copied for Diablo 3 – (2012 game)‘s witch doctor.
• 1:33:30 — After “my mistake”, the guy should have fallen over dead.
• 1:42:45 — [ 1 ]
• 1:46:00 — Doom sound as the brazier-thing spills.
• 1:48:15 — Uncanny-valley computer graphics.
• 1:52:30 — Handy stick-spear is handy. Where did it come from, anyway? I guess I wasn’t paying attention. Well, more likely it wasn’t explained, because story gets in the way of special effects.
• 1:53:00 — The Spear of Osiris
• 1:54:00 — Rick saved The Scorpion King, forges an alliance. Takes over the world with him. Roll credits.
• 1:57:00 — Oh! Now that I know what “save me” means, that helps me with a phrase from Stargate – (1994 movie)

• 2:01:00 — You did lose her. She wasn’t resurrected, it was the spirit of her past self which came back and forever possess her. The book is lost, so you can’t fix this. Roll credits.

oh.. literally roll credits.

Footnotes

1. has a seisure[ ↩ ]